


An Open Wound

by purple_violet99



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Stiles, Eichen | Echo House, Lydia is a Bad Friend, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Scott is a Bad Friend, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Stiles Stilinski, True Alpha Derek Eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_violet99/pseuds/purple_violet99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is left alone after the events of the nogitsune... he doesn't cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Open Wound

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning, there is self harm and an attempted suicide in this story so if that can trigger anything i would advise you not to read. I do promise there will be a happy ending. Also, I'm really bad for slow updates so sorry for that in advance if you want to continue reading this story.

Depression. Feelings of severe despondency and dejection. Doesn’t quite capture that feeling of absolute brokenness does it? Because that’s how I felt after that thing left me numb and cold. I felt like my body was being ripped in half, the guilt and pain was consuming me and I could do nothing but wield to its immense power. Maybe if I had the support I wouldn’t have been so broken, so damaged, but what’s life without a little hardship, right?   
When it first left I was so relieved and determined to get rid of it. And we did get rid of it, but we lost Aiden and Allison. Makes me wonder, was it worth it? Was me being saved worth their deaths? I hurt so many people and there I was at the end of it all absolutely fine while two others had died to save me. How was that okay? Ethan left with Aiden’s body so we didn’t have a funeral for him but we did have a funeral for Allison.   
The day of the funeral was morbid and painful despite the shining sun and the chirping birds. It was held outside and loads of people showed up to offer their condolences. Scott didn’t look at me once but I understood, he needed time so I stayed until she was placed in the ground and left. My dad said he would stay a bit longer then walked away with tense shoulders. That should have warned me that things wouldn’t be the same.   
When I got home the quiet was deafening. Tears ran down my face slowly while I walked to my room. It says something that when I found Derek in my room I didn’t even bat an eyelid. He was wearing a black suit but I hadn’t seen him at the funeral, I told him as much.   
“Decided not to go” He replied, looking up at me with eyes that showed pain and sorrow. It struck me that he must have been remembering his own family and I couldn’t fault him for not wanting to face another funeral.   
“So why are you here?”   
“It wasn’t your fault Stiles” He said. As much as I wanted to believe him, I just couldn’t. Not with all the evidence saying otherwise so instead I said nothing and watched him leave through the window before climbing into bed and crying myself asleep.   
…   
The next few days passed in silence, silence so loud I wanted to claw at my ears. None of my friends text me, even when I text them. My dad sent me a message saying he had to stay at work late and I didn’t see him until two days later and even then he was asleep in his bed. But I still didn’t realise anything was wrong until school started again. When I got there, Scott wasn’t waiting for me at the entrance like usual, Lydia and Kira weren’t standing at my locker waiting for me and Scott, Isaac and Danny weren’t walking down the hallway together towards us.   
Walking into class was like a punch to the gut. Lydia and Kira sat together, like usual, Danny sat with Isaac, like usual, but Scott… Scott was sitting with Greenburg. Greenburg. Scott hates Greenburg. The only seat left was next to some druggie, Goth, skater dude. Deciding it was just a misunderstanding or something I sat down without making a scene.   
Lunch was when it finally clicked. When I tried to sit down Lydia threw her bag on the seat and informed me that it was taken, as were all the other free seats apparently.   
“Oh, right” I mumbled, turning and making my way to an empty table and sitting down. Everyone stared and whispered, even pointing at me and laughing. I could feel myself breaking apart, piece by piece.   
The rest of school passed in the same fashion. I couldn’t get home quick enough, hoping to find comfort in my dad. Well I was sure in for a laugh when I got home to my dad locked away in his study ignoring my shouts and tears. After about an hour of sitting in the hallway outside the office sobbing I came to terms with the fact that no one could love me anymore because I was a murderer.   
Weeks passed and thing stayed more or less the same. The pack avoided me at all costs, my dad pretended like I didn’t exist and I spent my days hiding away in my room staring at a blank wall. The only person who didn’t actually treat me differently was Derek. Maybe if I had been closer to Derek it would have helped but we weren’t close, sure if we saw each other we would acknowledge the other but that wasn’t enough. I couldn’t remember the last time I smiled, or talked, or laughed. My whole life now was filled with tears and nightmares and panic attacks. And I had to face them on my own.   
About two months after everything I stole a knife from the kitchen. The guilt was so overwhelming I needed to just let it out so I dragged the knife over my skin until blood dripped onto the floor. The relief was short but instantaneous, so I did it again, and again, and again. It became a sort of routine after that, get up, go to school, come home, cut, and go to bed. No one noticed but I never really expected them to anyway, they didn’t care.   
One day when I was sitting in class next to the skater, who I found out was called Adam, asked me if I wanted to have a good time. I said yes. We skipped school at lunch and I followed him to an abandoned building where a bunch of other people were smoking and drinking whiskey. Adam helped me forget… He gave me drugs and alcohol and I felt so heavenly numb that I almost forgot about the nogitsune and the werewolves and Allison. Almost.   
I lost my virginity a week later to some guy when I was drunk in the back of his car. He wasn’t gentle or kind and it wasn’t sweet like I thought my first time would be. It was harsh and quick and I didn’t even know the guy’s name. Everything seemed kind of ridiculous after that so I started skipping school to get high or drunk, or both, and I stayed out late having sex to strangers and then cutting myself until I couldn’t feel the guilt anymore. Off went the plaid and graphic t-shirts, instead I wore jeans and a black top. Plain and simple, nothing like the naive kid I used to be.   
It was months before anything happened. One night my dad was waiting for me when I got home with a furious look on his face.   
“Where the fuck have you been?” He roared, face already red with anger.   
“Out”   
“At three in the morning? No, not good enough Stiles”   
“What does it matter?” I said stubbornly just wanting to get to my knife hidden beneath my mattress.   
“Look at you. You’re a mess, the son I love would not behave how you are behaving. How do you think your mother would feel if she saw how you turned out?” That got to me. He was right, my mother would revolt if she saw a murderer, if she saw me. “You’re a disgrace” And with that he grabbed his keys and stormed from the house, leaving me empty and broken.   
That was it, I was done. If no one wanted me around then fine, I didn’t want to be around either. Walking upstairs and to my room, I let the tears fall in a steady stream. What was the point? I looked around at my room: posters on the wall, batman bed sheets, cluttered desk, stacks of research on werewolves… and all for what? Letting out a scream of frustration I swiped everything off my desk and heard it all crash to the floor. It was like a dam broke, I went crazy, ripping my posters from the wall, causing destruction until the walls were bare and the floor was covered. My bed was the only thing untouched with my phone and laptop resting on top. Opening my laptop I started a video.   
“So… I know I haven’t talked to any of you in a while but… eh I just-” A loud sob escaped my lips forcing me to stop until I had myself under control “- I just had to say this… At first I couldn’t understand why you all hated me so much, but then the more I thought about it the more I realised that I killed them. It’s not fair that they died and I lived. And it’s clear you all can’t stand me, so I thought I would make it a bit easier and just stop. Stop trying, stop breathing, and stop living… So I guess this is goodbye, right? I’m kind of terrified but I don’t want to feel alone anymore” Before I sent the video to the people I used to call my friends, I composed a message for Derek: Thank you for not treating me different even if I didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry for the pain I caused you but I won’t be a burden anymore. Take care of yourself Derek.   
As soon as I pressed send I grabbed my knife and went to my dad’s room for just a small bit of comfort. Sitting at the foot of his bed I squeezed my eyes shut and let myself shake as the sobs left my body for the last time. I gave myself five minutes before I wiped my eyes with determination. I had to do this, everyone would rather me gone…   
As I let out a breath I dragged the knife deeper into my wrist than I had ever done. I repeated it on the other side and I kept repeating it until my hand was too heavy to hold up and I felt too tired to do anything but wait. There was no pain anymore, I finally felt completely numb. My moment of peace was interrupted when the door smashed open revealing Derek breathing hard.   
“Oh my god, you idiot. What have you done!?” He said rushing over to me trying to stop the blood that was gushing from my wrists. Before I could answer him, blackness enveloped me and I thought, finally. Finally.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and leave kudos! Let me know what you thought and if you have any ideas or suggestions.


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